Laugh

Drop the towel

   A woman gets out of the bath and puts on a towel. Her husband comes into the bathroom to go to the toilet. The doorbell rings. The woman goes to answer it wearing only the towel. She opens the door to find her next door neighbor Bob standing on the doorstep. Bob wolf whistles and says 'I'll give you $200 if you drop the towel'. The woman doesn't want to miss out on £200, so she drops the towel. Bob takes a good look at the naked woman then says his goodbyes and leaves. As the woman closes the door her husband comes down stairs. 'Who was that?' He asks. 'It was Bob' She says. 'Oh right, did he give you that $200 that he owes me?'

Insecticidal

  A man walks into a pharmacy and asks for some condoms with insecticide. I think you mean "spermicidal," says the cashier. "No", he says, "I need condoms with insecticide, my wife has a bug up her ass and I'm going in after it."

Public Now

Q.What did the stockbroker’s wife tell her husband when she cheated on him?
A.Honey, I’ve gone public.

Assasin

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, traning and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to 2 men and a woman, but only one position was available. The day came for the final test to see which person would get the Extremely secretive job.
The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances", they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."
The man got a shocked look on his face and said, "You can't be serious!" I could never shoot my own wife!"
"Well", says the CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for this job them."
So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances", they explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take the gun and kill her."
The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes, then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her, I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess that I'm not the right man for the job."
Now they're down to the woman left to test. They lead her to the same door to the same room and hand her the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances, this is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him."
The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA heard the gun start firing. One shot after another for 13 shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes, then all went quiet.
The door opended slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks! I had to beat him to death with the chair!"