Computer Viruses

Beware of the following:

THE GEORGE W. BUSH Virus... Causes your computer to think it won the election, even though the motherboard and fatherboard bought it.
THE AL GORE Virus... Causes your computer to just keep counting.
THE CLINTON Virus... Gives you a 7-Inch Hard Drive with NO memory.
THE BOB DOLE (AKA: VIAGRA) virus... Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.
THE LEWINSKY virus... Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then emails everyone about what it did.
THE RONALD REAGAN virus... Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.
THE JESSE JACKSON virus... Warns you constantly about illegitimate file reproduction, while illegitimately reproducing files in the background.
THE MIKE TYSON virus... Quits after two bytes.
THE OPRAH WINFREY virus... Your 300 mb hard drive shrinks to 100 mb, then slowly expands to restabilize around 200mb.
THE JACK KEVORKIAN virus... Deletes all old files.
THE PROZAC virus... Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care.
THE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus... Only attacks minor files.
THE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER virus... Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back.
and last but not least...............
THE LORENA BOBBITT virus... Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then discards it through Windows.

Mrs. Gates?

Three women were sitting around talking about their husbands' performance as a lover.
The first woman says "My Husband works as a marriage counsellor. He always buys me flowers and candy before we make love. I like that."
The second woman says, "My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and slaps me around sometimes. I kinda like that."
The third woman just shakes her head and says, "My husband works for Microsoft. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great it's going to be when I get it."

Made in America
Joe Smith started the day early, having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6 am . . .
While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking .. . . he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG).
He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE), and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA).
After cooking breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA), He sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO), to see how much he could spend today.
After setting his watch (MADE IN SWITERLAND), to the radio (MADE IN JAPAN), he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY), and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB !!!
At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day, Joe decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL), poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE), and turned on his TV (MADE IN INDONESIA), and wondered why he can't find a good paying job (in AMERICA)!!!   Funny Food